Sunday, September 28, 2008

Because I like to give back...

I love lingerie and have spent a king's ransom collecting pieces for years. However too many bows, frills and ruffles prevent me from actually wearing the majority of it. I have an entire drawer full of just garters which is down right foolish when you realize that 36 inches of legs have kept me from owning an actual pair of thigh highs to attach to aforementioned garters. One woman's thigh highs are another woman's over the knees socks...

Every morning I get up and put on something beautiful, lacey, and decadent. I gaze into my floor to ceiling mirror and am thrilled to see a seductress. Then I take it all off and put on the ugliest nude bra in creation and my one size fits every other girl in NYC Hanky Panky underwear. Really, it's magic. Presto Chango: instant matron. You see, I live in the real world where $300 fuschia lace bustiers have no place.

It is out of this debilitating, self esteem crushing morning ritual that Dames and Broads was born. Doesn't every woman deserve to put on (and keep on) gorgeous, wearable lingerie everyday? Well maybe not every woman, but certainly I do.

So in January 2009, i am officially launching Dames and Broads for the inner femme fatale in all of us. Pretty underwear that you can actually wear under your clothes and still feel alluring. Did I mention the average woman will actually be able to afford it? It aint curing cancer but a contribution to society nonetheless...

Thursday, September 25, 2008

I get by with a little help from my friends...

American homes are worthless, banks are failing and the dollar is going to plummet once we authorize a bailout to fix the situation. Perfect time to start a business!!!! Alone. With no real entrepreneurial experience. With my life savings...

I must be out of my mind.

It did not start out this way. It started as a partnership. Two fabulous women against the world. Somehow it became two women against eachother. And then one woman.

They say the world will not end with a bang but with a whimper (they= T.S. Elliot, in case you were wondering). I catch myself a lot of nights whimpering. Scared out of my mind. but then I remember that I whimpered about a ton of things over the course of the last 3 decades. Everything turned out just fine, or became fine, or was not fine at all but life kept going anyway.

Mostly I bitch and moan to girlfriends and the occasional boyfriend. I am awed by their constant support and their blind as a bat faith in me and Dames and Broads.

But I wonder a lot about that other fabulous woman...

Can things return to their former glory? I sure hope so.

"Stock are rebounding today on the hopes of a bailout"

Fingers crossed.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Turning Thirty... and none the wiser

A few weeks ago, I turned thirty. I looked forward to it like the second coming of Jesus, planned an expensive party, told everyone with a pulse, counted down like an inmate awaits release. You see, the twenties were not kind to me. I stumbled. I fell. I repeated mistake after mistake. But I always regarded it as a throw away decade. All the older women in my life (read Oprah and my mom) said they were a mess in their twenties and that things only got better in the thirties. And I so I believed, wished, and prayed for change. YES WE CAN.

Imagine my surprise when I awoke on August 26th, 2008, no wiser, thinner, or better groomed. So since I can detect no visible change, I have decided to tally exactly where I am in the process (that exact process being "the road to fabulousity").

In high school I recorded the below in my journal. Let's see where I am...

By 30, you should have:

  1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come. CHECK
  2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family. CHECK
  3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour. CHECK
  4. A purse, a suitcase and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying. my suitcase is a little raggedy so I can't really claim this just yet.
  5. A youth you’re content to move beyond. CHECK!!!
  6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age. CHECK
  7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age—and some money set aside to help fund it. CHECK although in the last 10 days it has all dwindled to pennies. THANKS US HOUSING CRISIS!
  8. An e-mail address, a voice mailbox and a bank account—all of which nobody has access to but you. CHECK
  9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded. hmmm how do you defined padded?
  10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry. CHECK
  11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a black lace bra. CHECK, CHECK and CHECK
  12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it. CHECK
  13. The belief that you deserve it. CHECK
  14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30. I have a routine but am not close to actually following it
  15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship and all those other facets of life that do get better. define "solid start", define "satisfying", define "relationship"... maybe we should just forget that one...

By 30, you should know:

  1. How to fall in love without losing yourself. no clue
  2. How you feel about having kids. want them, can't afford them but definitely want them
  3. How to quit a job, break up with a man and confront a friend without ruining the friendship. have yet to do one of these successfully
  4. When to try harder and when to walk away. again, no clue
  5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next. what if you dont know what you want to happen next?
  6. The names of: the secretary of state, your great-grandmother and the best tailor in town. Jesus this is getting embarassing
  7. How to live alone, even if you don’t like to. this I can do!
  8. How to take control of your own birthday. LOL, nope
  9. That you can’t change the length of your calves, the width of your hips or the nature of your parents. still fighting this pointless fight
  10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over. i still struggle with this one
  11. What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love. you think you know and then...
  12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs or not flossing for very long. this, i know
  13. Who you can trust, who you can’t and why you shouldn’t take it personally. YESSSS
  14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault. only in the last year
  15. Why they say life begins at 30. Please god let this be true

Not as bad as i thought, not as good as i would like. But I do have one thing I did not have before, the courage to start Dames and Broads...