Tuesday, December 30, 2008

New year, Newly single and Newer lingerie

This year I gave myself the gift of the single life for Christmas. Because we are all the lord's children I will refrain from saying anything negative about him. I wish him health, happiness and whatever else comes to his kind. I will leave a little older, much less naive and with a few nice pieces of jewelry. Thanks for the memories!

I am also moving on with a few more pounds and some emotional baggage that will no longer fit in my carry on. So needless to say that I have some things to work off and through before I will be ready for whatever is out there waiting for me.

I was twenty six and a 34C the last time I was truly single and I have no idea what it will be like dating in my thirties. Now a 36D and 30 years young, I feel completely unprepared for the world I am entering. I don't know how to flirt or internet date or have casual sex or if I am supposed to do any of those things. With Sex and the City off the air and all my friends in relationships or just as clueless as me, I have no guides on how to proceed. I feel terrified, and excited, and apprehensive, and damaged, and reborn, and hurt, and angry, and destroyed, and free and extremely prone to writing long run-on sentences.

What's a newly single, not feeling so fabulous, bigger breasted girl to do?

I went lingerie shopping. More accurately, i went f%ck that lying bastard, you will never get to see me in any of this but the next guy(s) will absolutely love it, can't wait to be over him, you hurt me so bad i am going to do something incredibly inappropriate in this, my larger D cups look better in this bra anyway, I might just answer the door in this, i don't really care that we are in a recession, good old fashioned lingerie shopping.

And hundred of dollars and a few yards of silk satin and antique lace later, I felt better. Its still hard to sleep through the night. But every morning I wake up to drawers full of something that makes me feel pretty instead of .... him. For now, it will do.

The pics above are the pieces in case you want to see what I bought. (Myla Simone, Myla Nicole, and Sista Shei Blossom)

I hope to one day soon sell other ladies a little bit of comfort...

Dames and Broads lingerie.... Feb 08

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Lingerie PR

What happens when you are still passionate about your business but absolutely sick of talking about it? You break down and hire a publicist...

I still love the lingerie business. I still think my offerings are going to knock your socks (and hopefully your Hanky Pankies) off. I am just sick of telling you about it. Besides, we are past the sexy part. If you are my friend in real life or just on Facebook, you probably have already seen web site mocks, you heard all our globe trotting stories about the the great pieces we have found, you have seen logos and brand identity images. But now I am mired down in Fed Ex paperwork, projection forecasts, and accounts receivables. Trust me, you probably don't even want to talk to me right now. I am officially no fun. So I am hiring a publicist to be fun on my behalf.

I will let her tell you all about the differences between American and English lingerie, about why you deserve better than rayon and why your bottom will be writing us thank you letters after being softly caressed by our silk panties. I, frankly don't have the time. She can go though the motions of teaching men to stop buying crotchless panties for Valentine's day via media outlets while I simply roll my eyes and write them off as hopeless. See?! This will be better for the both of us.

Since I have the honor of being based in NYC, I can't swing a chanel bag without hitting a PR girl in her well coiffed and often blond head. But the question is, can I swing the monthly monetary commitment that it will take to get her to extol the virtues of Dames and Broads to all the glossies and blogs?

Don't get me wrong, there is money in the D&B coffers but the salesperson in me is only interested in marketing that directly results in sales and my inner control freak is terrified to hand over our brand identity to a stranger. But perhaps it is time to relinquish my grip on my wallet and let's somebody else do the talking. Anything that would allow me just a bit of time to shut up...

Monday, December 8, 2008

Passport Panties- Underwear for the Jetsetter

I just got back to NYC from Art Basel in Miami. I leave tomorrow for Pittsburgh. Before I leave though, I must book my hotel in Paris for Jan as well as a seat on the Eurostar so that I can be in London just a few hours later. In February, I will be visiting a girlfriend in Nicaragua before she leaves for Italy. Just got invited to be someone's +1 at a wedding in Argentina...

As I rush from one airport to another, plead with the lady behind the counter for an upgrade, and hop on planes, trains and automobiles, it will be difficult if not impossible for me to keep it together. Inevitably somewhere in between the Champs Elysees and Trafalgar Square, I will have gone from chic to harried. The carefully planned outfits will look thrown together and my makeup will have gone the way of my diet. but thanks to Passport Panties, my lingerie will still be on point. Disguised in a fab passport holder, these soft, semi sheer, gorgeous panties come with a cleansing towelette in case of "emergencies" (I will leave you to read between the lines). They are perfect for the jetsetter or the woman who, like me, will be spending 30+ hours in coach for the next few weeks and still wants to feel sexy as they travel the globe.

Bon voyage....

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Brazilian, Turkish, English, French body types... You are gorgeous somewhere

Ladies ,

Stop it. This one size fits all mentality will be the death of you. Most of us will never be a size 0. Most of our men don't want us to be. So why do we subscribe to one Nicole Kidmanesqe asexual standard of beauty? Perhaps it is because we don't know that our pear shaped bodies are revered in Brazil, that our generous hips and ample bosom are considered ideal in Turkey, that our itty bitties are all the rage in France. Did you know that they make something to help create waistlines in England and can fake the hell out of a gorgeous bustline in China?

But no need to go so far to be appreciated. Perhaps you should start in your living room. Did you know that everything you hate about your body is exactly what you man loves. He wants you to stop covering up the big butt, the smaller breasts, the meaty hips. If it doesn't jiggle, he doesn't want it and if he didn't want something soft, he would be dating Tom, not you.

I am not saying to let yourself go. I am saying give yourself a break and embrace the gorgeous body you inhabit.

In Feb , Dames and Broads will start bringing you lines from around the world made specifically for your body type.

One size fits all no more...

You deserve better.



Friday, November 21, 2008

Dames and Broads-they just dont make them like they used to

I spent a good portion of last weekend on my couch watching TV. Even though I had mountains of work to do, I chose to instead lay around in my college boyfriend teammate's jersey (Don't feel bad for him, the bastard had it coming:)) and cashmere socks. Sometimes life in its causal simplicity can bring such joy.

I meant to watch an old movie and revel in the glory that is Elizabeth Taylor, Sophia Loren, or either of the Hepburns (Audrey or Katherine depending on the mood), but then I stumbled upon Bravo TV and became physically unable to turn the channel.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta is simultaneously repulsive and captivating. You will find yourself wondering aloud "are these chicks for real?" as the hours drift by. Between Kim's awful wig and singing voice, Nene's unwillingness to wear a bra or stop talking shit, and Sheree's extremely high and misguided opinion of herself, it really is hard to look away.

But after many hours spent watching that nonsense I began to wonder where all the real Dames and Broads have gone. I miss women with awe inspiring wardrobes and witty one liners who cant keep men from throwing themselves in their direction. They seem to have been replaced with tacky and classless half wits who think that Victoria Secret is the epicenter of sexy.

Are there any left? Or must we wonder the earth searching for the real thing eventually settling for cheap mediocre knockoffs. Take the brief quiz below and reinstore my faith in today's women.

You find out that your guy has been cheating on you. You're supposed to meet him for dinner at a ritzy joint later that evening. You:
B. Attend the dinner and ask him where things went wrong.
C. Put on your sexiest little black dress and meet him as usual. Then you casually bring up the affair, catching him off guard, and carefully escalate the assault to the point where you throw your champagne in his face, and exit gracefully.

In bars, your drinks are:

When men tell you how beguiling you are you respond:
A. "What does beguiling mean?"
B. "Thank you" modestly and then avoid eye contact
C. Yes, I've heard that often but I prefer to think of myself as enchanting

If you answered mostly Cs, there might be hope for us yet.

From one broad to another,

Friday, November 14, 2008

Top 10 Lingerie / Underwear Brands

Just a bit a lingerie news to darken an already dreary Friday in NYC:

According to WWD, 2008 retail sales are really hurting long established intimates brands especially those distributed by department stores.

"Battered by consolidation, depleted margins and a glut of inventory, department stores have increasingly given smaller space in innerwear departments to national bra brands, many of which are promoted day in, day out, and have a generic look."

As a result most are cutting advertising, marketing and merchandising budgets drastically. Heavy hitters like Victoria Secret are still doing OK (formaldehyde bras notwithstanding) due to the teen focused PINK lines and international expansion.

Here are the top 10 Intimate Apparel lines by sales in the US

1. Hanes
2. Victoria's Secret
3. Fruit of the Loom
4. Playtex
5. Jockey
6. Bali
7. Joe Boxer
8. Maidenform
9. Vanity Fair
10. Calvin Klein Underwear

If you are anything like me , you looked at the above list and shook your head. Joe Boxer, Really???!!! Is the entire Unites States in 8th grade? Fruit of the Who? Well, I never...

Where does this list and this economy leave grown ups who prefer silk to rayon and sensual glamour to pink cheetah prints?

Don't worry ladies, I will not forsake you. You still deserve the best even if you now must pay less for it. No need to go to the dark side (read Hanes and ugly nude bras). The pictured Dechelles bra and panty set from Brazil (all silk and lace) retails for less than $65. It does not come in a pack of 3 and it shouldn't...

All is not lost.


Dames and Broads
Gorgeous and Affordable imported bras and panties
Jan 2009

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Envy and Girl Crushes

Last night I went out to dinner with some former co workers. After weeks spent working 12 hour days, trying to be a good caregiver to my new blind dog and recently discovering that I am allergic to my make up, I was proud of myself for just showing up. To say that I looked haggard would be a compliment. My hair was pulled back into a frayed ponytail. My attire was very secretarial pool circa Working Girl 1988. Makeup was non existent. I felt like I looked: Worn out.

We got down to the business of our quarterly catch up. After recapping jobs, boyfriends, and such, we veered off course to random story telling. It seems that our friend Kari had ventured into an ad agency to present to clients when all attention became focused on a sales rep from CNN who had just entered the room. She was one of those mythical urban legends that you read about, not only beautiful but incredibly well put together. Or maybe she seemed beautiful only because she was so put together. She did not merely take off her coat as much as there was a "reveal" of Extreme Makeover proportions with all eyes (male and female) on her. Kari then recited to us in elaborate detail every stitch of clothing this siren was wearing weeks ago. And we listened intently about a women we would never meet as if it was monumental in our lives.

I want to be that woman.

I bet she would have worn heels to dinner thereby avoiding frayed pant hems. Her hair probably would have been cascading down her back or at least her ponytail would be smooth and orderly (more Jlo and less Miss Celie from the Color Purple). No way in hell she would have walked out of the house without mascara. And lipstick. And foundation.

She has me beat. I can't be that woman everyday.

But I promise you this: If she had disrobed past her coat and her fancy dress... If she got rid of the expensive wide belt and perfect accessories... If she had chosen to show the world (or at least the inside that ad agency) her foundation garments... she would met her match.

For beneath my common wardrobe, I am formidable.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who has the fairest panties of them all...


Dames and Broads

Shop Dames and Broads Lingerie Jan 09

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Yes we can... Maybe I can too...

I love the English Language. When I was a kid, I used to diagram sentences for fun. (No, not my sexiest moment). There was something about the structure that I found incredibly satisfying. But I have always reserved my deepest affection for the words themselves. Antonyms, synonyms, onomatopoeia... There is something about seeking and finding one word to describe an emotion or happening that spellbinds me.

But there is no word for today. No group of letters strung together will ever fully encompass what I feel right now.

Everything is possible.

May god keep him safe.

God Bless America.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Risky Business

I just took an entrepreneurial risk assessment test and failed with flying colors. While there were a few parts in which I excelled (i.e all parts that required you to not play well with others), evidently I am a tad risk adverse. After receiving a score of 25 out of 38, I assumed that quiz was mistaken and I retook the test this time changing my answers to the truth (aka what I now thought they wanted to hear as opposed to the answers that I previously thought would yield the highest results). My score dropped to 23. Clearly I am not even daring enough to chance failing an open notebook test only meant to assess my own shortcomings.

I will admit it. I am terrified of failure and tend to avoid it at all costs. I am the girl who read 100 pages ahead in Choose Your Own Adventure novels to avoid costly mistakes and impeding doom. But I am even more afraid of fear's paralyzing effect on me. For this reason I have an extremely oxymoronic approach to life and risk. I inch my way closer to the edge and then take flying leaps off cliffs.

I researched buying studio apts in Manhattan for years and then bought a dilapidated three bedroom in Harlem 25 minutes after viewing it. My first entree into the stock market wasn't until I was 29 but I only bought one stock and with all of my cash reserves. I only play black jack @ $5 tables but have been know to go all in and lose hundreds in one hand. I spent most of my twenties never dating men more than twice. Four years ago I went out on a third date with one lucky gentlemen and we have been together ever since.

I don't believe in diversification.

Who knows how this will serve me in business. In life I have been right more times than wrong. I have had a ton of fun and cried a bunch of tears. I have lost my life savings at least 3 times and have doubled my net worth. The only thing that I am sure of is that money comes and money goes. And the only regrets I have are the things I did not do...

I already see my duality rearing its ugly head. I alternate daily between cutting back inventory levels in case I am the only one who actually needs functional lingerie and quadrupling orders in anticipation of overwhelming success. The real reason why I wont carry above a D cup is the inventory nightmare it creates. I know that "plus size lingerie" are the #3 most searched for key words in the world of online intimates but what the hell am I going to do with a 44G bra if it doesnt sell?

Maybe there is a middle ground, and I will do my best to remain on it. But I know the day will soon come for me to choose sides. And when others step forward or to the side and I will leap.

Friday, October 24, 2008

The bridal lingerie is not for me...

Last week I went to get my hair blown out at my local salon. I forgot my typical business books, magazines, and how to start a lingerie business for dummies guides and was forced to read the supplied beauty rags. I was too slow and unwilling to fight for a withered Glamour from 2006, so I took the only mag left: NY magazine, the wedding edition. I flipped through the pictures of couples getting married at the Central Park Zoo, the Brooklyn Botanical Garden, the Natural History Museum. One couple even had the balls to shut down the meat packing district so they could wed on its cobble stone streets.

It was the black and white pics on those cobble stone streets that did it. I started to cry. Hysterically. Under the dryer.

Perhaps this happens all the time to NY women or maybe the ladies in the salon decided to take pity on me. Everyone kindly ignored me except for the owner of the establishment, who brought me a tissue, patted me gently on the shoulder and told me I had 10 more minutes until I was dry.

Somedays I cant decide if this business is the reason I am alone or the thing that keeps me from feeling lonely. It takes up a lot of space.

Sometimes I can't remember if this is really my dream or if it is just the backup plan to a dream defferred. The emotional equivalent of adding something to a "to do" list just so I can have something to check off.

Today I am tired. But everyday cant be rainbows and puppies.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Web Design: Quick to make a decision, Slow to Spend Money

Over the last 4 months, I solicited 10 different price quotes from web designers and developers to build DamesandBroads.com. From the recommended, the unknown and the infamous, I was quoted anywhere from $3500 for a complete e commerce site built from scratch to 15k+ for just logo design. Each one told me how I could not live without wish lists, pagination, dynamic product reviews and all this other stuff I had never heard of. Each additional suggestion was additional $$$ and an additional headache. After awhile I no longer knew what I needed and what I could do without. I had absolutely lost the ability to prioritize.

I had web designers telling me the most important thing was how the site looked ("No one will buy anything if the site looks a mess"), web developers telling me that site functionality was paramount ("no one can buy anything if the site does not work"), publicists telling me that press mattered above all else, ("no one will buy anything they have not heard of"), and lingerie manufacturers who had their hands out (hard to sell anything if you do not have a PRODUCT). Not to mention a few things called site hosting, e commerce platforms, search engine optimization, and search engine marketing. These people were making me tired. I ran out of breath just making a list of things to do.

But research and desperation have led me to two things that are going to make my life a lot easier: Volusion and Alondra. Sound like super heroes don't they? The former is my e commerce platform that provides all of the fancy bells and whistles of a great online store (zoom, the ability to integrate any of your product offerings onto facebook/ myspace/ etc, and coupons) at a great monthly price. The store comes ready to go, you just upload your products. My second great find is Alondra, my new web designer who will be manipulating Volusion's templates so that my store looks anything but standard. She is quick, gifted, and from what I 've heard, beautiful. Everything I am looking for in a savior.

Two more obstacles avoided... One million more to go.

Dames and Broads

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Packaging Woes...

These are tough times. Any non essential item is a luxury and any person who spends their hard earned money on luxuries should be treated like the most valuable customer in the world...

I wish my packaging vendor, US Box, felt the same way. In the last 3 weeks, they have sent me (and charged me for) the wrong samples, given quotes on the wrong products not once but 4 times, and have blamed it all on my inability to effectively communicate. Now, I am no Barack, but communication has never been a problem for me.

When I referred to the emails proving my sanity and their ineptitude, I was told they will send me my new samples for free. Except that I have to pay for shipping. And shipping is 13 times the price of the sample.
and "please be clearer in your email next time..."

I wanted to clearly reply what they could do with their boxes... but they are one of the few vendors who can reproduce my logo on custom pillow boxes. The owner is an ass but as of right now his price is the cheapest. But the salesperson in me wants to walk. Curse him out in my uppity way ("Clearly sir you do not deserve my business. Now, GOODDAY,!!!"). Take my
money elsewhere, where someone will treat me like my pennies matter.

But my customers deserve the best. They will choose to give me their money instead of countless others and they should feel like they are receiving a gift every time they order. So I will bite the bullet, swallow my pride and pray that this time I can clearly communicate my order.

But one more mistake and I will scream and people might be receiving panties in a paper bag.

Please let me know if you like the packaging and think it is worth the drama.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

An Open Letter to Hanky Panky--- All in good fun

Dear HP,

I hate to hate. Really I do. But someone has to tell you for your own good. Somehow in your rise to glory, you have become passe. There, I said it. Yes, you are the Tory Burch Reva Ballet flat of thongs, the Magnolia Bakery of underwear, the wedge heel of panties. I am officially over you.

Your ubiquitous presence haunts me. There you are mocking me in every sample sale's community dressing room, on the lips of every d list celebrity. Parading around as a fresh young thing, when you are older than me!

The other girls may fall for it, but I know better. Pumpkin, Waterfall, and Denim are not acceptable colors in my lingerie wardrobe. I am thirty years old for chrissake!

And when did nylon and cotton become all the rage??? Whatever happened to silk and satin? (see pic)

It's ok, HP. It's your time to shine. But I just wanted to let you know, that there will soon be a new kid on the block.

But you are not all bad. Is your PR director looking for more work??? :) :) :)

dames and broads

Thursday, October 9, 2008


"Courage doesn't always shout. Sometimes it is the quiet voice at the end of the day that says, "I will try again tomorrow."--- UNKNOWN

So traveling to Brazil to search for a lingerie manufacturer did not produce the results I thought it would... After scouring the city for 4 long, rainy days, I did not find anyone who was willing to work with me, the US dollar and my size Ds.

I have to admit I felt tired, drained and defeated. I was ready to throw in the towel and return to my normal life and hideous nude bras.

But my girl, Monica, told me that if I am going to make it, I have to be ready to adapt. The point was to bring to market affordable, wearable, but sexy bras and panties and by god, wild horses could not keep me from it... After all, they say evil triumphs when good women do nothing...

The Brazilian trade show showed me that there actually are many high quality yet cost conscious lines that we Americans have been deprived of simply because of our geography. The problem is that only a few pieces can actually be worn underneath clothes. In fact, some of the sets made me wonder if Brazilian women ever put on anything at all over these elaborate devices. No wonder thousands of men endure 10 hours in coach just to lay eyes on these creatures...

But every once in awhile I would stumble across a miracle (like the one pictured). Pretty little things that could actually be worn by mere mortals. I wondered if there were similar products in other parts of the world. Then I wondered, would I would be willing to traipse all over the globe to bring these items to American women? Yes, yes I will.
The saga continues...

Dames and Broads Version 2.0

Thursday, October 2, 2008

B is for Brazil, B cups and Business Plans

A few weeks ago, I went to Brazil in search of a manufacturer who could produce affordable, wearable, and gorgeous lingerie. Yes reader, I know, I am doing the lord's work.

My plan was simple (though not particularly well thought out): fly to Sao Paulo alone, attend one of the top Brazilian innerwear trade shows and canvas the entire manufacturing district until I convinced one of the dozens of lingerie manufactures to produce my line. God this will make a great story for Oprah, I thought. It would have been ambitious for anyone to undertake but when you couple this with the fact that I spoke no Portuguese and intended to do it all over the course of four days, it becomes clear that this mission was entirely based on faith.

You see, not only were the cards stacked against me, I had been warned. I attempted to hire an apparel specialist and a translator from the US Commercial Service in Brazil and was flat out rejected.

"There is no market for this. There are several manufacturers in Brazil (A LOT... TOO MANY), but no company would work with the US designs for lingerie. Several US companies tried manufacturing lingerie here to re-export because Brazil is well-known for its manufacturing in this field, but it rarely worked out because the designs are very different from what is used and produced here."

The game seemed to be over before it began. Discouraged and traveling alone to what the NY Times calls "the most dangerous city you will ever love", I began to realize what a suicide mission this was. So I decided to seek help from higher powers. I prayed and sent out a mass email.

Subject line: Solo to Sao Paulo

And miracles happened (who knew the lord has Gmail?). My brother who owns a bed and breakfast in Bahia, suggested I call a Samba dancer he knew. She just happened to be a costume designer for the Philadelphia Opera, spoke fluent manufacturing and apparel Portuguese and owned a home in Sao Paulo. She agreed to accompany me to SP, without ever meeting me,...FOR FREE.

My girl, Khadeja, called a college friend now living in Sao Paulo. He agreed to take me in. Also without ever speaking to me. also for free.

And so I went. And after many Nos, crazy looks, and discussions about how the US Dollar was now relatively worthless in Brazil, we actually found some people who were at least willing to speak to us. I could almost see Oprah’s couch in front of me.

And that is when I was told that Brazilians only makes B CUPS. Yes, you read me right. They have somehow convinced an entire nation of voluptuous, plastic surgery loving women that they are all Bs. How can I make a product I cant even wear?

Jeez, I guess need to work on plan B…

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Because I like to give back...

I love lingerie and have spent a king's ransom collecting pieces for years. However too many bows, frills and ruffles prevent me from actually wearing the majority of it. I have an entire drawer full of just garters which is down right foolish when you realize that 36 inches of legs have kept me from owning an actual pair of thigh highs to attach to aforementioned garters. One woman's thigh highs are another woman's over the knees socks...

Every morning I get up and put on something beautiful, lacey, and decadent. I gaze into my floor to ceiling mirror and am thrilled to see a seductress. Then I take it all off and put on the ugliest nude bra in creation and my one size fits every other girl in NYC Hanky Panky underwear. Really, it's magic. Presto Chango: instant matron. You see, I live in the real world where $300 fuschia lace bustiers have no place.

It is out of this debilitating, self esteem crushing morning ritual that Dames and Broads was born. Doesn't every woman deserve to put on (and keep on) gorgeous, wearable lingerie everyday? Well maybe not every woman, but certainly I do.

So in January 2009, i am officially launching Dames and Broads for the inner femme fatale in all of us. Pretty underwear that you can actually wear under your clothes and still feel alluring. Did I mention the average woman will actually be able to afford it? It aint curing cancer but a contribution to society nonetheless...

Thursday, September 25, 2008

I get by with a little help from my friends...

American homes are worthless, banks are failing and the dollar is going to plummet once we authorize a bailout to fix the situation. Perfect time to start a business!!!! Alone. With no real entrepreneurial experience. With my life savings...

I must be out of my mind.

It did not start out this way. It started as a partnership. Two fabulous women against the world. Somehow it became two women against eachother. And then one woman.

They say the world will not end with a bang but with a whimper (they= T.S. Elliot, in case you were wondering). I catch myself a lot of nights whimpering. Scared out of my mind. but then I remember that I whimpered about a ton of things over the course of the last 3 decades. Everything turned out just fine, or became fine, or was not fine at all but life kept going anyway.

Mostly I bitch and moan to girlfriends and the occasional boyfriend. I am awed by their constant support and their blind as a bat faith in me and Dames and Broads.

But I wonder a lot about that other fabulous woman...

Can things return to their former glory? I sure hope so.

"Stock are rebounding today on the hopes of a bailout"

Fingers crossed.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Turning Thirty... and none the wiser

A few weeks ago, I turned thirty. I looked forward to it like the second coming of Jesus, planned an expensive party, told everyone with a pulse, counted down like an inmate awaits release. You see, the twenties were not kind to me. I stumbled. I fell. I repeated mistake after mistake. But I always regarded it as a throw away decade. All the older women in my life (read Oprah and my mom) said they were a mess in their twenties and that things only got better in the thirties. And I so I believed, wished, and prayed for change. YES WE CAN.

Imagine my surprise when I awoke on August 26th, 2008, no wiser, thinner, or better groomed. So since I can detect no visible change, I have decided to tally exactly where I am in the process (that exact process being "the road to fabulousity").

In high school I recorded the below in my journal. Let's see where I am...

By 30, you should have:

  1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come. CHECK
  2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family. CHECK
  3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour. CHECK
  4. A purse, a suitcase and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying. my suitcase is a little raggedy so I can't really claim this just yet.
  5. A youth you’re content to move beyond. CHECK!!!
  6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age. CHECK
  7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age—and some money set aside to help fund it. CHECK although in the last 10 days it has all dwindled to pennies. THANKS US HOUSING CRISIS!
  8. An e-mail address, a voice mailbox and a bank account—all of which nobody has access to but you. CHECK
  9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded. hmmm how do you defined padded?
  10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry. CHECK
  11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a black lace bra. CHECK, CHECK and CHECK
  12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it. CHECK
  13. The belief that you deserve it. CHECK
  14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30. I have a routine but am not close to actually following it
  15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship and all those other facets of life that do get better. define "solid start", define "satisfying", define "relationship"... maybe we should just forget that one...

By 30, you should know:

  1. How to fall in love without losing yourself. no clue
  2. How you feel about having kids. want them, can't afford them but definitely want them
  3. How to quit a job, break up with a man and confront a friend without ruining the friendship. have yet to do one of these successfully
  4. When to try harder and when to walk away. again, no clue
  5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next. what if you dont know what you want to happen next?
  6. The names of: the secretary of state, your great-grandmother and the best tailor in town. Jesus this is getting embarassing
  7. How to live alone, even if you don’t like to. this I can do!
  8. How to take control of your own birthday. LOL, nope
  9. That you can’t change the length of your calves, the width of your hips or the nature of your parents. still fighting this pointless fight
  10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over. i still struggle with this one
  11. What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love. you think you know and then...
  12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs or not flossing for very long. this, i know
  13. Who you can trust, who you can’t and why you shouldn’t take it personally. YESSSS
  14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault. only in the last year
  15. Why they say life begins at 30. Please god let this be true

Not as bad as i thought, not as good as i would like. But I do have one thing I did not have before, the courage to start Dames and Broads...