Risky Business

I just took an entrepreneurial risk assessment test and failed with flying colors. While there were a few parts in which I excelled (i.e all parts that required you to not play well with others), evidently I am a tad risk adverse. After receiving a score of 25 out of 38, I assumed that quiz was mistaken and I retook the test this time changing my answers to the truth (aka what I now thought they wanted to hear as opposed to the answers that I previously thought would yield the highest results). My score dropped to 23. Clearly I am not even daring enough to chance failing an open notebook test only meant to assess my own shortcomings.

I will admit it. I am terrified of failure and tend to avoid it at all costs. I am the girl who read 100 pages ahead in Choose Your Own Adventure novels to avoid costly mistakes and impeding doom. But I am even more afraid of fear's paralyzing effect on me. For this reason I have an extremely oxymoronic approach to life and risk. I inch my way closer to the edge and then take flying leaps off cliffs.

I researched buying studio apts in Manhattan for years and then bought a dilapidated three bedroom in Harlem 25 minutes after viewing it. My first entree into the stock market wasn't until I was 29 but I only bought one stock and with all of my cash reserves. I only play black jack @ $5 tables but have been know to go all in and lose hundreds in one hand. I spent most of my twenties never dating men more than twice. Four years ago I went out on a third date with one lucky gentlemen and we have been together ever since.

I don't believe in diversification.

Who knows how this will serve me in business. In life I have been right more times than wrong. I have had a ton of fun and cried a bunch of tears. I have lost my life savings at least 3 times and have doubled my net worth. The only thing that I am sure of is that money comes and money goes. And the only regrets I have are the things I did not do...

I already see my duality rearing its ugly head. I alternate daily between cutting back inventory levels in case I am the only one who actually needs functional lingerie and quadrupling orders in anticipation of overwhelming success. The real reason why I wont carry above a D cup is the inventory nightmare it creates. I know that "plus size lingerie" are the #3 most searched for key words in the world of online intimates but what the hell am I going to do with a 44G bra if it doesnt sell?

Maybe there is a middle ground, and I will do my best to remain on it. But I know the day will soon come for me to choose sides. And when others step forward or to the side and I will leap.